is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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