the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
