Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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