hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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