i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
