My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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