Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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