Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
