I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
