Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
