This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
