I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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