Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
