If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
