Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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