farters have to be the big spoon...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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