barbara walters just said penis...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
