Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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