Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize