You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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