Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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