physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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