no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
