So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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