it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
