Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
