ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
