i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
