i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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