Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
