She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
zippers are such a cool invention
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
