His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
