How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
