bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize