i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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