That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
