Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
