If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
