I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize