tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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