first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize