If that was your dad, he is hot
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
