there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
