I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
