she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
