I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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