Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
