I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
