he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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