Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
