If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
