Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
