I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Couch. On fire.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
