I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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