I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
