He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
