tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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