let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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