Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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