we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
