You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it's like iHOP with fire
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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