Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How external is "for external use only"?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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