omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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