Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
