you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
