Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
