He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
