I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
