i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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