Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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