I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
God I need to hump something, right now.
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