he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
