I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
